


Stay away from her! (Or die hard)

by magicalmilkdud



Category: Alien Series, Die Hard (Movies), Predator Series
Genre: F/M, Original Character(s), Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 00:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalmilkdud/pseuds/magicalmilkdud
Summary: John McClane finds himself on a jungle isalnd with a mysterious woman, being hunted by extraterrestrial creatures.





	Stay away from her! (Or die hard)

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's been forever since I published a fic. Here, have a shameless self-insert story just for the fun of it.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The crack of gunshots echoed across the forests of a remote uncharted island. Deep in the woods, a tall black xenomorph toppled to the ground, pieces of its head coating the surrounding trees. Standing feet from the corpse were two blood-soaked badasses with fresh smoke on their shotguns. Their names:

John McClane, the loose cannon cop.

And Angie McAdams, the interdimensional thrill seeker.

Angie lowered her gun and approached the monster. Her boot collided with its neck in a show of spite. “This bitch is kaput,” she declared. She turned toward her ally. “We gotta hurry up and find my ship before more of these things come after us.”

John was eager to oblige. “Fine by me. I just wanna get as far away from these things as fucking possible.” He started walking, but Angie could tell his mind was elsewhere. “Fucking aliens…” He shook his head. “It’s a step up from German robbers, I’ll give ya that.” 

He turned sharply, facing the strange woman before him. “And you.” He spoke in a manner showing that he had regained his composure. “You show up on this island same time as me. You just appear right as I poof onto this godforsaken hunk of jungle. You should be clueless, right? But no. Soon as those cunts show up, you take charge, gun blazing all over the fucking place, when you should be scaredshitless.” When Angie faced him she was met with a cold stare. “Who the fuck are you?” he demanded.

Angie turned back again and started making her way through the trees. “Believe it or not, John, this isn't the first time I've tangled with xenomorphs.”

“Xenomorphs,” John chuckled. You say that word like it makes any goddamn sense.” A pause. “Holly’s probably worries sick about me.”

The two of them trekked in silence. 

After about half an hour, a distant rushing sound broke the silence. The duo immediately recognized it: water. “If there's a river nearby that probably means open space.” Angie sighed in relief. 

“Good,” John responded. “These woods are getting my claustrophobic side acting up.”

Making their way toward the sound, Angie and John couldn't help but get excited. They were thirsty and cramped in this tight jungle. An opening area and a stream couldn't be more appealing at the moment. In their enthusiasm, they made the mistake of letting their guards down. They didn't hear the shuffling in the trees above them. The saliva dripping from ravenous mouths just missed their shoulders. But one thing they couldn't miss, a quiet, predatory noise:

Hhhssssssssssss…

Shotguns whipped into position. Barrels faced the foliage above. Wild dogs in the form of guns sniffed out the danger. They didn’t dare glance at each other. Eyes trained on the leaves, waiting for the slightest movement.

A branch rustled.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Like locusts a swarm of xenomorphs dropped from the sky. No need to shout; both humans bolted instinctively. Too many to take at once. BANG! A spray of bullets let loose behind them. Maybe one or two would bite it. No way to know. Too busy running. BANG! More bullets. The stream was louder. So close. 

Water ahead. Gnashing teeth behind. Just behind the trees. Please God, so close-

They broke through the foliage. 100 feet of land left. After that there was a fall. Water bellowed from below the cliff. Stopping briefly to shoot and pray- BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!- McCane and McAdams knew their only choice was to jump. No way to know how far of a drop. If they would live. But still preferable to capture by the enemy.

The aliens drew nearer like wolves. Letting loose their final rounds, the cop and the adventurer sprinted the distance and plummeted. 

The aliens screeched to a halt at the edge of the cliff. Even they weren’t stupid enough to leap to their deaths just to catch prey. Giving spiteful hisses, the creatures turned back to the woods, their inhuman adrenaline fading. 

The trek back to the queen began. It wasn’t often that humans showed up on this island, and they had let such rare prey get away. The babies were so hungry, and their mother had laid so many eggs waiting to hatch- if only the humans hadn’t had those pesky weapons!

While the aliens headed home disappointed, an unseen presence watched them from the trees- the same trees in which they had stalked their prey. But this was no human. It was an equally fierce predator, a hunter so close to the kill, viewing the last minutes of these creatures’ lives in infrared vision.

And after this kill, another would follow. Because the predator had new prey. Human prey. It let out a high, guttural moan.

g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g...


End file.
